Black and Blue
by MissJEDoe
Summary: It starts with a drink and, as things in their lives progress, our heroes find themselves struggling more and more with an actual human life. Post series 5, predominantly Hal's perspective. This started as a series of oneshots. High T.
1. Chapter 1

"You did promise her." Tom reminded him, watching as he straightened his collar again.

"I know." Hal hissed, feeling like an utter fool in a button-up shirt and jeans. "Are you sure this is what people wear?"

"Yeah. It's smart with the shirt and casual with the jeans." Tom explained, throwing a pen into the air and failing miserably to catch it. "You ready, then?"

"I - umm..." Hal frantically ran his hand through his hair, staring wide eyed at his reflection. "Okay. I'll see you downstairs."

Tom stayed sitting here, grinning.

"Tom!" Hal turned, frowning at him. "Go downstairs!"

"Okay, okay - no need to shout." Tom stood up, hands in pockets. "You are coming down, right?"

"Yes, Tom. Just give me a moment. Please." Hal said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hadn't meant to about at his friend, but nerves were tight tonight.

"You've got five minutes, then I'm coming up to get you." Tom warned, sauntering off and closing the door behind him.

Hal turned back to the mirror, noticing how pale he'd gone.

It had been a bad idea to suggest to Alex that they go for drinks. He hadn't touched alcohol in... In decades. What if it reacted with him in the same way that blood had done? What if he became rude, uncontrollable… inappropriate?

The possibilities were horrifying, so he decided to stick to something benign like apple juice. Or lemonade. Diet, just to be safe.

He fussed with his hair again. No matter what he did, he couldn't make it sit in a way which looked normal.

His hands were shaking.

After closing his eyes and taking a deep, rasping breath, Hal turned from the mirror and followed Tom down the stairs. Each footstep echoed around the house and made his ears ring.

Downstairs, Alex was hissing at Tom.

"Let me have my jacket."

"No, it's warm."

"Tom, I like wearing -"

"If you get really cold, Hal will give you his."

Hal froze, eyes wide, suddenly remembering a very important stage of Tom's plan. He'd left his jacket upstairs.

He turned and ran, sprinting up the stairs and grabbing his jacket from the hanger on the door. So much for trying to look neat and unruffled. He tiptoed back down, taking deep breaths and trying to think about something calming.

"Hal! About time," Tom said loudly, gesturing that he should walk further into the room. Hal's cheek twitched minutely when he saw Alex, wearing a dark blue dress that flared out gently from her waist. Trying to not stare, Hal smiled at her.

"You look nice." His knuckles were white around his jacket, but his voice was steady and sincere. She did look lovely.

"Thanks. You look... Nice, too." She said with a smile and a glance to Tom, who was proudly admiring them both. After a moment, Alex said "Shall we go?"

"Yes, good idea." Hal said quickly, practically leaping towards the door. "We'll be back later, Tom."

"Don't wait up." Alex suggested, shunting Hal through the first door. "Hal, go." She hissed, walking into him. He stumbled and muttered an apology, opening the front door and falling into the street. The sun was going down and the street was shimmering with an orange light, blinding Hal for a moment.

"Have fun!" Tom called after them, shutting the door as soon as Alex had stepped through it.

"I think he's jealous." Alex muttered, walking down the garden path. "But anyway. Where are we going first?"

"First?" Hal repeated, terrified.

"Unless you pass out after one drink and I have to drag your sorry ass home, yeah." She looked back at him, eyebrows raised. "I haven't gone out in months. I'm making the most of this."

"Oh." Hal muttered, catching up with her.

They walked awkwardly side by side for a few minutes until they entered the center of Barry. There were hundreds of people – mainly between the ages of sixteen and twenty four – milling around in the summer heat and Hal felt a sudden urge to hold onto Alex. While they stood still to take in the surroundings and decide on a destination, he held his breath and offered her his hand.

He froze, waiting for her to respond. She smiled at him, a little bemused or humored, before placing her hand in his.

He felt everything from his neck down go numb as he looked at their hands, thinking about how nice it was to touch her.

She pointed towards a bar and said something that he didn't quite catch, but he managed a mixed response of a shrug and a nod before she dragged him in the direction she'd pointed in. He stumbled a bit and nearly walked into a few people, but he clung to her hand and managed to dodge out of their way.

They walked into the bar and were hit at once by a thick wall of music and body odor. Hal stopped in his tracks, trying to not gag on the heavy air.

"Hal?" Alex asked, giving his hand a quick squeeze. His nostrils flared but he answered in a level voice.

"There are many people." He shouted over the noise. She laughed lightly and dragged him to the bar where the music was noticeably quieter.

"Right. You owe me a drink, so vodka and coke, please." Alex said, chirpily smiling at the bartender. He returned the smile and started making her drink. Hal watched nervously as he turned back, handed Alex he drink and looked at Hal expectantly.

"Um..." He looked at Alex, swallowed, and looked back at the bartender. "Just diet lemonade, please."

The bartender gave Hal another look before pouring the drink from the tap, asking for the correct money and returning the change. He walked away and they were left there on their own.

"You're not going to be grumpy all night, are you?" Alex asked, sipping at her drink.

"I'm not." Hal glared at her, realising too late what his mistake was. He forced a smile and shook his head. "I'd explain, but it's too loud."

"Fine." Alex sniffed, looking past Hal to the dance floor. "You don't mind if I try to have a good time, though. Right?"

"Alex -"

"I'm not sitting here all night doing nothing."

Hal sighed. Less than ten minutes in and he'd already ruined everything. His eyes hopped from her to her drink and to his lemonade and he made a quick, rash decision.

"Right. Drink up. We're going to another pub and after this I will order whatever you have." She stared at him, a little bemused. "Promise. I want you to have fun."

She smiled at him and picked her drink up again, taking a bigger mouthful. "Okay, then." She said, smiling. "Why?"

"Why do I want you to have fun?" Hal asked over the din, incredulous. She nodded and he found he'd lost the ability to form words. "Because - I - you - you're important to me." He said eventually, swallowing down half of his tiny lemonade immediately after speaking. He couldn't do this.

She smirked. "I beg your pardon? I can't hear - the music..." She lied, cupping a hand to her ear and winking. Hal laughed and shook his head.

"Oh, Alex." He sighed, finishing his lemonade. "Hurry up!" He added, louder so she could definitely hear.

"Do you want me to get wasted?" She asked, eyes wide. He just shrugged, a little smile on his face.

"It could be fun." He admitted, leaning towards her slightly. She just laughed, taking another swig of her drink. She blinked rapidly and Hal noticed how long and soft her eyelashes looked.

"You're right. But you'd be surprised at how well I can hold my drink."


	2. Chapter 2

She was breathing slowly, her chest rising and falling and touching his ever so lightly. Her face was tilted away from him slightly so he saw her in profile and could see the very subtle twitching of her lips as she dreamed.

Outside, another day was starting. Hal had seen thousands of mornings and a fair few had, like this one, been brought to him with a woman in his arms. The special thing about this particular morning, however, was the way he could hear her breathing and, if he dared move, he'd listen to her chest and be able to hear her heart.

Alex was alive. And there was no part of him that desired her death.

If Hal hadn't habitually woken up with the dawn he would still be asleep, eyes closed to the world. But then he wouldn't be watching her now - then he wouldn't be able to appreciate this beautiful woman and this beautiful morning.

She was warm in his arms and, lying there with her so close, he couldn't imagine a scenario where he'd ever be tempted to let go of her.

He lay there for over two hours, slipping in and out of consciousness as he waited patiently to see her wake up. He'd seen her tired plenty of times but he'd never been the first thing she saw. He wondered how she'd react.

At eight O'clock he moved slightly and managed to draw her in closer. She was still a long way from waking, but he was comfortable enough and willing to wait even longer. He lay there, cradling her softly, and reimagined the night before.

They'd gone for drinks and Tom had tactfully gone to bed early.

The last few months hadn't been easy between them, but last night something changed. Maybe it was because they'd finally finished that first date. Maybe it was because she'd convinced him to drink alcohol - which he hadn't done in over half a century.

Between them there had been no secrets. He told her everything he'd been thinking and feeling since they'd both regained their heartbeats and she had told him everything she loved and hated. She told him about memories of playing tennis on the beach with her brothers and her dreams of living somewhere near a twenty four hour chip shop. He'd laughed at that and she'd looked hurt, so he'd kissed her.

Just to try to make her smile again.

And it worked.

She'd told him about a nightmare she'd had where her nails scraped against concrete no matter which way she turned.

He'd told her about the months he'd spent wide awake because every time he closed his eyes he heard a woman and child from another life scream.

After more drinks they just laughed at each other. She'd made a comment on how different he was drunk and he'd, quite seriously, said "At least I'm not drinking your blood." and she'd laughed again and given him a smile.

Funny, how her death had led to this moment.

As he lay there, arms tight around her, he remembered the first time he'd seen her dead body.

Her eyes, staring madly ahead, replaced the old nightmares of dark screams and pools of blood.

Her head had fallen to one side and she was held up by her wrists, looking horribly like an abused, broken doll. Recognising the smell of her blood as what he'd just tasted, he'd felt it turn to ice and fire in his veins and had collapsed under the weight of her death.

His fault.

Feeling giddy at the memory, he pressed his face to her hair to breathe in the warm scent of life. Birds were singing outside and she was warm and whole and vibrant and breathing and that was the important thing to remember.

And she was his.

Last night had been like taking a deep breath of clear, cool air after four minutes under water. His lungs and body had burned and he'd found his head spinning with the joy and relief and the feeling of living.

Her hands had slipped from his as they wandered home, talking and laughing and kissing. She'd moved them around his waist and, while this made it difficult to walk, it had held them closer together and he loved it. Hal tried to walk normally for as long as he could but the alcohol and excitement of being with Alex had got to his head and when they reached the gate to their house he'd stopped, turned and walked her gently into the wall to kiss again.

It was dark, so no one was watching any way.

He thought about how cold her skin had gone last night as he ran his hand along her now warm, sleepy cheek, smiling a little when she leaned into the contact. She was peaceful now and she had been since about two in the morning.

His eyes closed momentarily and he remembered putting his hands on her waist and then her hips and somehow making it through the front door without letting go of her even once. He thought about how quickly she'd kicked off her shoes and discarded her jacket, all the while moving in the general direction of the sofa.

The alcohol and warmth of her body had been enough to make him forget about her scattered clothes, but not for him to forget the morals which he'd hammered into himself over the last half century.

"Alex -" he'd breathed against her, his breath warm and ripping from his chest onto her neck. She might have replied, but he hadn't heard. So he continued any way. "Are you sure?"

"Are you kidding?" She laughed breathlessly, putting a hand on his cheek to make him face her. Her eyes were sparkling and wide and her lips looked sore. "Hal, honey, we've been edging on this for months."

"True." He gasped, putting his lips softly back on hers. He put one hand on the back of her neck and stepped closer to the sofa, moving her slowly.

She grinned under his lips and it had been beautiful.

His alarm clock went off and he jumped and groaned, considering leaving it. But if he did it would wake her.

But moving might wake her, too.

More importantly, he decided, it could wake Tom.

He loosened his hold on her begrudgingly, propping himself up on one arm so he could reach over her and switch the alarm off. He thought he'd done it without disturbing her too much, but her eyelashes flickered and he froze where he was and watched her wake up.

It took her a moment to focus on him and remember where she was, but when she did her face glowed.

"Are you trying for more?" She teased, looking him up and down as far as she could. He pulled a face and kissed her lightly, unable to resist her.

"No. I was turning the alarm off."

"Sure thing, sugar." She chuckled as he lay back down, trying desperately to look less dazed.

"How are you?" He asked suddenly, certain moments from last night catching up with them. There had been a few moments when -

"Tired." She yawned, stretching and running her hand through his hair. "You look awful."

"I have been awake for nearly three hours." He confessed, still concerned. Something was nagging at his mind. "Are you sure -?"

"Shit! Did you bite me last night?" She asked suddenly with her eyes wide, touching her hand to the side of her neck gingerly. She winced. "And seriously, three hours? What have you been doing?"

"Nothing." He said honestly, sitting himself up. "Come here, let me see -"

He stopped, noticing for the first time the varying brown and red bruises which followed each other down her neck. His face flushed white and then very, very red.

"Shit." She laughed, noticing the look on his face. "Is it awful?"

"I've... I've done worse damage." He hedged, horrified. "Oh, Alex -"

"Don't say it."

"I think I hurt you."

"Nah, this is what happens when people spend months around each other being sexually repressed." She kissed his cheek and sat up too, tugging the duvet around herself. "You were bound to forget how bloody strong you are. It's been, what - fifty odd years?" She shook her head. "How did you manage?"

He just laughed a little, still horrified by the marks on her skin.

"Hal." She said suddenly in a flat, unimpressed voice.

"Hmm?"

"Stop it." She slapped his shoulder playfully, grinning again. "Honestly! Smile, for fucks sake."

"Okay." He shrugged, touching her chin with his finger tips and lifting her lips to his. When he pulled away he smiled warmly, convincing himself that as long as she was happy they were okay.

"Come here." He said, holding his arms out for her after a moment of them just staring at each other. She leaned into him and he suddenly pulled her down, back onto the bed.

She shrieked, hit him and wrapped her arms around his chest. "That was naughty." She said sternly, rubbing her nose against his chest. It was adorable and unusual and made him forget about the damage he'd done. For a moment.

"So was making me drink so much last night." He pointed out, running his hand up and down her back. She laughed again and kissed his chest, sending little flutters right through him.

"Oh crap." She mumbled after a minute or so. Hal froze, terrified that she'd remembered some pain or ache.

"Are you okay?"

"One of us should get downstairs before Tom does."

"Ah."

They spent a moment each in their own world and imagined the awful look on Tom's face if he got down there before they did.

"Right." Hal kissed her head and forced himself away from her, swinging his feet from the bed and pulling on a shirt. "Are you going to help?" He asked, noticing how little she'd moved.

She just waved her hand and yawned. "Nah. I'll be down in ten." She promised, dragging the duvet up to her chin and beaming at him. He shook his head incredulously before walking to the door.

"If you aren't, I'm coming to get you."

With that, he winked and left her in stunned laughter.

It was a good job Tom hadn't surfaced yet.

Hal realised that, as he scurried around retrieving clothing and straightening cushions, if they were going to continue like this they'd have to get their own house.

He sighed, fluffing up the sofa cushions. Last night had been perfect. But he couldn't risk upsetting Tom by breaking up their little group.

He held Alex's shirt in his arms and stood there, staring blindly at nothing. Thinking about last night was very dangerous.

He'd helped her pull the shirt off, both of them quickly deciding to forget about the buttons. They'd exposed each other and held each other incredibly tight, as if they could mould to each other if they tried hard enough. He remembered her skin being silky and warm, flaring up under his fingers and lips. He remembered how they'd laughed and kissed each other and how they'd -

Footsteps on the stairs made him jump and nearly drop everything. Fortunately, it was Alex.

"Are you okay there?" She chuckled, looking at his red face and armful of clothing.

He smirked. "I'm fine, thank you. Your shirt has seen better days."

"No!" She dashed towards him, hands outstretched for the fabric. He chuckled and moved it behind his back at the last moment, catching and kissing her instead.

"Gotchya." He grinned against her mouth. She growled but, before she could yell at him, they were joined by Tom.

"Is it safe?" He asked nervously, staring straight ahead with a locked jaw. They looked at each other, then the living room, and shrugged,

"Of course." Alex said casually, wandering off to the kitchen to make breakfast. Hal watched her go, admiring her legs and hips and waist and -

"You alright?" Tom asked, giving Hal a sideways look as he walked awkwardly towards the table. Hal just sighed.

"Yes, thank you, Tom. How are you?"

"Alright." he muttered, sitting down heavily. Something was clearly wrong so Hal dumped the pile of clothes on the sofa, sitting down opposite Tom at the table.

"What's wrong?" He asked, trying to catch Alex's eye through the door window but she was busy making food. Tom just shrugged. "Tom. Talk to me."

"Are you guys..." He trailed off, staring at the floor.

"Yes." Hal said gently, hoping Tom wasn't about to run away in a huff.

"Does that mean you're gonna leave?"

"Is that what you're worried about?" Hal asked, forcing a laugh. His stomach was in knots.

"Well, yeah."

"Tom, we aren't leaving you." Hal smiled when Tom looked up, a little brighter now.

"Sure?"

"Of course."

"It's just that – "

"Tom, we're a team. A group. We aren't going to just up and leave you." Hal laughed, trying to make light of it, but he wanted to scream.

"Alright. I'll help Alex with breakfast," Tom suggested, standing up and holding his head higher. When he walked away Hal let out a huge sigh of relief.

That day was difficult.

Hal repeatedly found himself daydreaming about the night before. He couldn't sit on the sofa because the memory of Alex was still so strong and tangible that he struggled to breathe.

Several times through the day they found themselves alone with each other and a strange electric uncomfortableness sparked between them that was only increased when they gave into their need to touch each other.

If they didn't have things to do and Tom to keep their minds uneasy, they'd very rarely have found the strength to be apart from each other.

Evening eventually rolled around and they all sat at the table, eating their food. Everyone seemed on edge and for different reasons – Alex was eager to be away from Tom, Tom was desperate to ask something and Hal was looking forward to washing up.

They were silent until each set of cutlery were laid down. As Hal stood up to take the plates to the kitchen, Tom asked his question.

"Alex, what happened to your neck?"

Hal stumbled, quickly catching the knife which threatened to slide off the top plate.

Alex coughed and laughed nervously. "Why?"

"There's all these bruises – they look sore…"

Hal tried to look casual and tiptoed away to the kitchen, leaving Alex to explain.

"They're – uhm – bites." She said quickly, shuffling in her seat and not looking at Tom.

"Bites? From what?"

"Uhm." She hesitated for far too long and Tom worked it out.

"Bites? Hal, I thought – !" The scraping of his chair made Hal freeze with his hands in the water, feeling trapped.

"Sit down, Tom. Christ." Alex snapped, sighing and tugging him back onto his chair. "It's just a thing that people do sometimes when they're really… involved with someone."

"But he didn't make you bleed?"

"No, no." She sighed and laughed a little bit nervously. "It's fine. Honestly."

"If you're sure." Tom stood up, clearing his throat. "I'm going out for a while and probably won't be back until ten O'clock. Don't wait up for me." He announced, walking towards the door. Hal flew from the kitchen and frowned at him.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not sure. But I won't be back until ten O'clock, so don't wait up for me." He repeated, not looking at either of them. As he walked away and picked up his keys, Hal and Alex shared an uncertain look. "I'll go and find some wildlife to watch. There are a few badger sets nearby that I never get a chance to properly watch."

"Okay. Have fun. Be careful!" Alex called after him, watching as the door shut.

And with that, they were alone.

Hal ducked back into the kitchen and finished clearing up, noticing that his hands were shaking. This night was different – neither of them were intoxicated with alcohol and they were aware of the time limit. This night he was a lot more on edge.

When he'd done clearing up the kitchen he took a deep breath and stepped back out into the living room, fully expecting to see her sitting there in front of the television. But she'd vanished.

"Alex?" He called, peeking over the bar to see if she was hiding there. Nope. He licked his lips, a little nervous.

Maybe she'd left.

He called her name again, tiptoeing up the stairs. With any luck –

There she was, standing by the window in his room. He let out a sigh of relief and glared at her, a little bit shaken.

"I thought you'd ran off." He confessed, stepping towards her. She beamed at him and walked towards him, her lips curled into a little smile.

"What, from you?" She looked him up and down, making him roll his eyes. "Nah."

"That's good to know." He muttered, putting his hands on either side of her hips. She closed her eyes momentarily and he found himself smiling at her.

"What time is it?" She asked, touching her fingers to his chest. He shivered a little as he answered.

"I don't know. Something past six?" Her fingers climbed to his collar and he froze, his brain buzzing.

"Fab." She mumbled, stretching up to touch her lips to his.

That was it.

That was all he could take.

Her breath on his mouth gave him a sudden jolt of energy and he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to him. Alex let out a quiet laugh and pushed one hand into the back of his hair. They stood like that for a minute or so before he lifted her slightly and moved her towards the bed.

He lay her down gently, moving his hands to her shoulders and down her arms, to her hands. He held them tightly for a moment before rolling her over and pulling her on top of him.

"Hal – " She gasped, breathing heavily. He looked at her softly and smiled, touching his nose to her cheek.

"Alex."

"I think there's something you should probably say to me before we turn this into just an awkward friends-with-benefits thing." She suggested, stroking his cheek with the back of her finger. He blinked slowly, not completely sure what she was implying.

"Like what?"

"Something that you probably want to say but you're too scared to." She laughed, kissing him very lightly.

"Hmm." He considered this, rubbing Alex's back gently. "I love… your hair."

She slapped his arm lightly, sighing and rolling back onto the bed. "You'll have to do better than that." She told him, taking his hand warmly.

He was chuckling to himself and propped himself up on one arm, watching her adoringly. "Oh dear." He kissed the corner of her mouth, grinning. "I suppose you want me to say I love you."

"That's the one." She laughed, blinking at him sweetly.

He kissed her again, becoming a little impatient. "I love you." He said huskily, eyes closed. He could feel the warmth of her against him and it was sending his pulse wild.

She laughed and pushed her hand up his shirt, turning his skin to ice.

"Good. I love you too."

"Good." He mumbled against her lips, breathing erratically. Her hand burned him and he decided that enough was enough.

He pushed his hand up her top, quickly reaching the smooth material of her bra. He felt her smiling and moved his lips to her jaw, retracing the line he'd drawn the night before.

When they moved under the duvet, he completely lost track of time. All that mattered was Alex – her eyes, her lips, her warmth – and that she was there. She was right there, with him.

Afterwards, they fell asleep together. Hal cradled Alex on his chest and lay there feeling blissfully complete, his hands resting on her bare back. When he dreamed of darkness and sudden horror he woke up and saw her and it was okay because none of the horrors were going to come true anymore. There was no longer any risk of him killing anyone and there was no longer any difficulty between him and Alex and there was no way he would end up returning to that world of nightmares. So he decided that, while she was there when he opened his eyes, he could cope with the odd vision of death and blood.

He dipped in and out of this sleep, all the while feeling like things couldn't get much better. She breathed gently and slowly, her breath battering his chest like butterfly wings.

It was all he wanted.

He woke around two in the morning, neck stiff and slightly chilly. It was only then that he realised the bedroom window was open, letting in a sharp breeze. He sighed and gently moved Alex from him, tiptoed to the window and looked out.

The sky was clear and dark and prickled with stars. He shut the window and the curtains, telling himself that – while the sky was beautiful – he'd had plenty of time to admire it. He hadn't had nearly enough time to admire Alex.

So he crept back into bed, tugging the duvet higher around his shoulders and pulling Alex closer again. She was warm and comfortable to hold, despite the slight awkwardness of them being completely naked.

The next thing he was aware of was Alex tugging at his hair.

He frowned and opened his eyes, glaring at her. "What do you want?"

"Food." She said quickly. "And you."

"Oh, well. There's food downstairs." Hal yawned, blinking slowly.

"That takes effort." Alex moaned, running her finger across his chest. It tickled and he tried desperately to keep a straight face.

"Sorry, honey." Hal mumbled, closing his eyes again. He would have very much liked to fall asleep again.

Alex kissed him suddenly, making his eyes flutter open.

"Alex!"

"Wakey wakey." She muttered, rubbing her nose against his.

He sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes and running his hand through her hair. "Come on, then."


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a couple of weeks. Tom and I had returned to our jobs at the Barry Grand and Alex had started doing shifts in a bar on the seafront – her idea, not mine. She preferred the low-key atmosphere.

And I didn't mind. It just meant there was more time when we weren't together. Which gave us more to talk about than when she'd been following Tom and I around the hotel and made it all the more special when we did have time together – but I missed her. And as they got used to being human again I noticed how differently we were all coping with the transition.

They loved every moment of it.

I… did not.

"Talk to me."

"What?" I asked, frowning at her. She was sitting on the settee, her arms and ankles crossed. It had been a long week and we'd barely seen each other and the doubts I had about my mortality had been keeping me awake.

"You haven't actually sat down all week. Sit. Share." She patted the cushion next to her, giving me a look. "I'm not asking."

"I don't know what you mean." I said slowly, putting the glasses I was taking to the kitchen down and crossing the living room. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, alright." She laughed, patting the cushion again. I sat down stiffly on the edge of the seat. "Talk."

Silence.

"I know there's something wrong, Hal. You've been so… erratic this week. What's wrong? It's like when you were going through withdrawal again."

"I think I am." I said quickly, trying to look at her but she looked so alarmed by this that I had to turn away. "At least, that's what it feels like."

"Well, that's why I'm here." She cleared her throat. "So you can talk about all the crazy stuff going through your pretty head."

"But there isn't anything I can say – there's nothing I – "

"Hal, deep breaths." She put her hand on my arm, forcing me to lean back in the chair. "Start from the start."

"I – " I sighed, looking at her wearily. "I feel like if I'm not doing something all the time I'm going to slip into some sort of terrible monster."

"Like Lord Harry?"

"Yes. Or worse. Or someone different. I don't know – I just feel like I'm not in control at the moment."

"Well, that makes sense." She surprised me, taking my hand. "The world's completely flipped around for you now."

"But I should be happy." I sighed, looking at her soft hand on mine. Her rings were sparkling in the midday sun and they distracted me from the buzzing in my head. For a moment.

"Maybe in your own, special way you are." She laughed, making me frown. "You've got to give yourself time to adapt to this – you still jump every time you walk past a mirror."

"But it's been months." I said quietly, sounding and feeling helpless. She just shrugged.

"You'll get there. Focus on the good things, like me. And walking into a shop and not wanting to munch on everyone there."

"But that's the thing."

"What, you're still craving humans?"

"No, no – not really." I couldn't look at her, but I knew she was giving me a worried look. "It's just taking me a while to adapt to the right mind-set. I still find myself thinking about how easy it would be to kill people – to just not have the human laws and restraints."

"Hal, honey. That's how psychopaths begin."

"I know. Which is why I haven't been able to – "

"I understand. Don't worry – I read about this once." I looked up at her, bewildered. "Yeah, there's some psychology mumbo-jumbo about your brain weighing up the consequences of popping those pills or jabbing someone in the back with a knife."

"But it's so – "

"It's normal. Honestly, love." She leaned against my shoulder, rubbing her thumb across my hand. "We all go through it. The difference is when you were a vampire you didn't have the morals or disgust that holds you back now."

"I suppose that makes sense." I frowned.

"And we're not in some wishy-washy purgatory relationship any more. We know where we stand – that has to help, right?"

"It really does," I turned to her and kissed her softly. It was still like stepping into a dream every time I was with her and, since we'd both started working again, I'd noticed how much I missed her.

She pulled back after a moment and smiled, still holding my hand. "Yeah, so you can stop moping around and start being a team player again. When's your shift?"

"Six." I sighed, looking at the clock on the mantelpiece. I had less than two hours.

"Smashing." She released my hands and yawned, looking up at me. I looked back, feeling more relaxed than I had done in a long while.


End file.
